Moods of a narcissist ! How to recognize them ?

Hello :)

Back from a very sunny weekend trip in Marseille for one of my best friends 30th birthday !

I was surrounded by 11 extra-ordinary beautiful, smart, profoundly kind, funny, ambitious, vulnerable, generous and strong women and I will never stop repeating it again and again but your environnement is CRUCIAL to your mental health, to your wellbeing and for an empowered mindset where you are valued and inspired at the same time!

While talking with my birthday girl, she asked " in which domains have I coached the most", "what are the issues that my clients encounter the most" ?

And I started to realise that people mainly struggle in understanding their emotions & in dealing with narcissistic behaviours / people.

It is actually very funny that life brings me back, so intensely, in my job as a coach now; these 2 huge subjects I have dealt with my entire life. :)

Because yes, even if I decide to specialise in business coaching ; the mindset aspect is the core to a successful business. The personal life wellbeing defines our wellbeing at work.

Yes, everyone says "we should be able to "manage" our feelings as adults and leave the relationship problems at home". Easier said than done right?

We are not machines, and it is okay to show yourself less performant or vulnerable when you feel like, never hesitate to speak up or raise an issue even when you do not feel legit to do so in the moment : speak up, have a break and decide to get help, do not stay in a victime position, because that as well can get quite comfy for some. It will not make you happy in the long term.

-> Without being aligned in our personal life - we cannot succeed in the professional one.

We will inevitably come up with the same challenges at work too, until we start to become self-aware and get help or loose our minds until we find ourselves; and this can take ages depending on the masks we wear to protect ourselves from wounds we have experienced and still carry on us.

-

Today I will speak about narcissistic personality disorder in a safe space of acceptance and non jugement to encourage as much as I can people to get help and live a happier life, because most part of the time we find out and act on it too late or after having heavily already messed up our life's ! Let's avoid it.

Life is way better when we chill, when it is clear and easy !

Yes it can be easy AND intense at the same time (for the passionate ones that are reading me). It does not have to be complicated neither dramatic to be intense.

I am glad the narcissistic subject is becoming more and more popular now but on the other hand we also tend to accuse everyone to be a narcissist without questioning ourselves first about our toxic behaviours OR , for the empathic ones , being the victims most part of the time; we start to freak out about our toxic behaviours or think we are the problem and continue to torture and under value ourselves for years. It takes years for the victims to get out from these situations, and recover.

In the US they have a saying : "Being empathic is pathetic", try to release toxic people from your life with compassion instead. Do not hold the grudge, just let go !

So before sharing you the ultimate signs of a narcissist, let me share good news first : if you question yourself wether you have a problem or reflect on your toxic behaviours it's a very good sign :) It means you are definitely NOT a narcissist since narcissists never question themselves nor their behaviour and are veeeery uncomfortable when it comes to consulting therapists and coachs. And even when they are forced and they finally do; they will confront them as well. They never heal nor change. There is no hope for you beside if you run away.

In case you are curious about what causes narcissistic behaviours ( we all do have narcissistic traits by the way and it is different from pathological narcissists if you want to make the difference you can make it by the ones that seek for help and try to become better humans and the ones that always accuse the others, the environment, their past ).

There are 3 areas that cause narcissistic behaviours :

1. Environnement: parents with excessive adoration or excessive criticism towards the child.

2. Genetics : Inherited characteristics from our family members; we mirror them and go towards repetitive patterns.

3. Neurobiology : brain , behaviour. thinking.

What does this cause you may ask ?

-> Relationship difficulties : impossible to connect on a deeper level with these people or when you think you do, it does never last and you end up feeling drained!

Let's now quickly see in more details how you can recognise them straight away and RUN away as far as you can ;)

- They struggle to talk about others for too long : the conversation has always to shift back to THEM - they will always drag the conversation back to them on every occasion. They will always switch the convo back to themselves. They crave attention : they want everything to be around them, they have hard time in celebrating others, they really struggle when someone else is the center of attention.

- They do not accept responsibility, they are not open or vulnerable enough to ACCEPT that they are part of the problem... and this becomes a big issue because then we take it all on ourselves, we think it is all our fault, we apologise without understanding how this could end up in such a dramatic way all of a sudden and loose self-esteem every time we accept to not trust us. Or we know we are not the only ones responsible but we keep waiting, forcing them to take responsibility. But they will never have the click that they are a part of the existing challenge.

- They make you feel like you are wrong : and this starts to play on your own worth, on your own self-esteem. We start to over-criticise ourselves, judge ourselves, beat ourselves up...

- Superiority complexe : making you feel inferior; you do not do things as good as them, you do not know things as better as them, you are not that smart to them, you are not quick enough or strong enough for them... are the things that they will make you feel and then tell you that you should change your filters, because you are the one mis interpreting, you are the one that is too sensitive. They will always compare themselves to you indirectly making you feel not good enough. They will use you as a punching bag on their journey to perfection! They will keep punching, trying to release that pressure.

- Everything feels like a threat to them : any person, any idea, any situation. you may start to feel like everything you do is wrong and this can lead to lack of decision making on the long term; you will not be able to choose anymore, make a plan and stick to that plan, you will not be able to to decide on the smallest things. Decision making will get you nervous and anxious until putting you in a very dependant position. In a very fearful position.

- They always switch the convo to themselves.

- They take credit for everything. They need huge acknowledgment, recognition & gratefulness for every single thing they do or not do.

- Reclaiming everything you say : you have no right to complain - they will reduce & minimise your story or your feelings coming up with a bigger problem or telling you that they have seen worse. So you are not entitled to complain. They cannot stand it, because then you become the center of the attention :)

- Love booming : treating you, complimenting you, they go all out telling you how special you are, how important you are, how amazing you are, they excessively intense, they put you on a pedestal, they give your extra gifts, positive compliments and this gives you so much energy - and then they do all the opposite, making you feel totally lost, puzzled and continuously doubting which version is the truth. Or, where is that amazing person you met at first gone ? Or what did you do to deserve that change?

- Emotional blackmail : they will make you feel guilty, if you do not choose them regardless of how poorly they treat you. They are very strong at reversing situations and using your empathy as their favourite tool to manipulate you, use you, blame you for anything that happened or that can happen.

If you use someone’s opportunity for vulnerability as a chance to vocalise your own feelings you are reducing their voice, their vulnerability.

What to do ?

Come back to you - think about why you are in these situations repetitively ? Why do you stay? What do you feel? What toxic behaviors do you provoke ? Where does it come from? When and how often have you experienced feeling this way? Do you want it to change ?

-> Self-awareness is where all positive change begins.

Be clear about yourself about your strengths and never doubt your gut. If it feels not right, it is NOT.

Set boundaries by getting to know you values and finding out what environment would suit you for a healthier and happier life? Choose a life without drama. You deserve it ! We all do.

Get help. Do not drain your friends and family with it, I mean proper help : therapy, coaching in addition to reading books and participating to conferences.

Moods of Jo🌙

@ehfarlife

-

I did not speak about it so far but of you choose to work with me we will be definitely working on your values, wounds and go toward a profound Self-discovery process in order to create the best environnement made for you.

Stop identifying others as the cause of your problems and deepen your sens of responsibility.

About my program “Start with you”

"Start with you” is a full-immersion training program for passionate multi-cultural remote workers / digital nomads & people who want to CHANGE LIFE.

This personalized experience is designed to transform every aspect of your life so that you maximise your impact and results.

3 months program — Available in both 🇺🇸🇫🇷

Dare getting out of your comfort zone, start investing quality time in your self- discovery.

It’s the most empowering exploration you can offer to yourself to start making decisions out of love and not out of fear. Overcome your fears and blockers this year.

Stop identifying others as the cause of your problems and deepen your sens of responsibility.

This program is for you if you :

• ​Want to explore your work life and a new career direction

• Want more satisfaction, fulfillment and meaning in your life

• Are experiencing a life transition or other turning point

• Seek your true life purpose (s) — you know there is a higher purpose for your life, but aren’t sure what it is

• Want to advance or experience greater levels of fulfillment in the work that you do

• Are forced to change careers due to a layoff or a change to your industry

• Are unhappy and looking for what’s missing

• Are ready for a new life, but are not sure what that means or what it looks like​

“Start with you” program is about : Self-discovery via real life experiments to get out of your comfort zone and go for a NEW job, a NEW location, a NEW lifestyle you really are excited about but you keep postponing being blocked by your fears and by not knowing HOW to get started.

It is not about the STRATEGY, it is the MINDSET !

Click here for a free discovery call and start your empowered journey.

Looking forward to reading your comments 💌

xoxo,

Moods of Jo 🌙