Finding Clarity: How to Reconnect with Your True Needs and Prioritize Them in Decision-Making

To the degree we’re not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves. Peter MCWILLIAMS

Many people want a lot of things in life, but very few take the time to truly explore their needs and desires.

Starting with yourself is the foundation for growth and success in both your personal and professional life. #startwithyou

From a young age, I've harbored a deep curiosity about myself and the world around me. This curiosity has driven me to question my identity and my place in the world. I've often felt a sense of not belonging, of being different from others, and not quite fitting in. It was as if my instincts and way of thinking were out of sync with those around me, making me feel perpetually on the periphery—either too much or not enough. Life, experiences, and people only reinforced these feelings over the years.

One of my toxic traits has been staying too long in harmful environments and sabotaging myself by ignoring my intuition. This stemmed from a poor understanding of myself and very low self-esteem. I realized that my self-sabotage was deeply connected to past emotional experiences, shaping my self-perception. However, I struggled to find a way to overcome it and break free from the vicious cycle.

Some of my toxic traits, which are still a work in progress, include disorganization, indecisiveness, perfectionism, procrastination, and imposter syndrome.

There's so much to share that I feel compelled to write a post about it. Would you be interested?

For now, I'd like to share my personal experience of rediscovering my needs and making choices that genuinely resonate with who I am.

🙏 If my experience can help anyone else who may be struggling, please don't hesitate to try these strategies and share what you learn with others who may benefit from it. If it resonates with you and proves useful, I appreciate any engagement. Thank you! 🙏

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STEP 1 : OBSERVATION

The quality of you life is defined by the questions you ask to yourself everyday.

My life began to transform when I learned to reframe my negative, self-pitying questions into useful and creative ones that motivated me to take action towards change.

The thing is, many of us crave change, yet are unwilling to change anything.

Tough experiences taught me how to reflect on myself, ask the right questions, and use them as a catalyst for growth.

Transforming my questions into useful and creative ones:

🔑 Was key to transcending those challenges

🔑 Was the key to making something different out of them

🔑 Was key in breaking the vicious cycle

As I faced the toughest challenges in my life, I gained a deeper understanding of my own thought processes and behaviors. Over time, I uncovered effective strategies to break free from negative patterns.

STEP 2: REALISATION

A large part of our behavior is driven by our subconscious mind, which we often cannot control.

However, we can work on redirecting our attention and intentions towards a specific action in alignment with our goals.

The most challenging part is finding a balance between what we currently possess and what we aspire to develop. To achieve this, we need to become aware of our current situation and beliefs. By doing so, we can release any limiting beliefs that are holding us back.

The challenge is to find balance, feel, and recognize where we are privileged before we actually achieve what we think is success.

Once we’ve done that inner work — ONLY BY redirecting our attention and intentions towards actions that align with our goals, we can manifest the life we desire.

It is not magic. It is about …

🔄 making the uncomfortable — comfortable 🔄 making the comfortable — uncomfortable.

STEP 3: BREAK FREE

Here are three strategies for emotional freedom that I have discovered on my journey:

STRATEGIE 1 — 🌬 BREATHWORK

Breathing is something we do automatically every day, but consciously focusing on it can make a big difference in our lives.

When I’m feeling anxious or stressed, it can feel like everything is going wrong and I’m constantly facing problems. (My campaign of misery is activated!)

In these moments, I’ve learned to pause and come back to myself by taking ten deep breaths (inhale from the nose, exhale from the mouth and try to breath from the stomach ) to clear my mind.

After my breathing exercise, I like to ask myself some simple questions to gain clarity:

- What am I feeling in my body right now?

- What emotions am I experiencing?

- Am I feeling hot or cold, and how is my body moving?

Once I have a better understanding of how I’m feeling, - I ask myself what I need in that moment.

The answer often comes intuitively or from my subconscious mind.

➡️ This process helps to calm my mind and prevent me from getting caught up in a state of survival mode.

Taking time to breathe and reflect helps me gain clarity and peace of mind, so that I can make important decisions with a calm and focused mindset. It also allows me to see if I’m on the right path to creating the life I want.

For example, if I realize that what I need is rest, then I’ll make a plan to delegate tasks or cut back on my workload. If I find that I’m constantly overworking myself, I’ll ask myself what this reveals about my inner challenges (ego, fears, wounds, patterns ) and how I can address them…

Which takes me to :

STRATEGIE 2— 🌗 SHADOW WORK, or how to avoid Identity Breakdown?

I have always chased after freedom until I realised that I was locking myself up in my own cage. I have come to realize that putting myself in a cage is not always a bad thing.

In fact, it can be a catalyst for making big leaps towards liberation.

The key is to recognize the cages I am putting myselfin and understand the cost.

Sometimes, we don’t see the cages we've created for ourselves because they are comfortable, and we've convinced ourselves that they are necessary for stability and structure in our lives. However, it's important to remember that rules and structure are not meant to be limiting but rather to provide a framework for us to thrive and grow within.

The key to true freedom is not just the freedom to act but the freedom within ourselves. It’s about taking responsibility for our choices, making conscious decisions out of love, and being aware of the consequences of our actions.

When we choose consciously and take responsibility for our decisions, we become more aware and free.

This is where shadow work comes in.

The journey of self-discovery involves confronting and integrating the hidden, darker aspects of ourselves to achieve wholeness. This means facing our fears and challenging the limiting beliefs that have held us back. By doing so, we can break free from the self-imposed cages that have restricted our growth and potential.

➡️ So, the next time I feel trapped or stuck, I remind myself that I hold the key to my freedom, both from the inside and out.

With a conscious yes and responsibility for my choices, I can break free from the cages that hold me back and step into the limitless potential of who I truly am.

STRATEGIE 3— 🤯 Reducing MENTAL LOAD

• Plan/organize

• Set boundaries

• Rest

🔑 Plan / Organize 📝

We often sacrifice the future for the present by doing what’s most urgent right now, without thinking about the future or having a medium-term vision.

As a new entrepreneur, it’s common to take things as they come and struggle with planning. Personally, I’m not a fan of long-term planning (the ones who know, know ). Definitely prefer to be spontaneous, going with the flow of my moods — This has created me a constant sense of urgency that made me feel like I’m always late, every day.

➡️ Structuring my work provides a sense of stability, security, and reassurance, helping to break free from the cycle of always feeling late. It's important to avoid negative self-talk like "I'm always late" and "one day we'll do this and that." Structure can offer more freedom and peace of mind. We should prioritize organizing, planning offers, creating backup solutions, and establishing communication methods, even if it means sacrificing some urgent tasks. If we don't know how to do it, we should seek help and start learning how to.

🔑 Set boundaries 🙅🏻‍♀️ Setting boundaries is crucial. Saying yes to others sometimes means saying no to ourselves. Being conscious of this can help us refuse certain opportunities and set limits with certain people and clients.

We must learn to say no to lighten our mental load and say yes to ourselves. It’s essential to be in agreement with what we say yes and no to. We should observe ourselves and avoid falling into the trap of our ambitions and overestimation. Many of us have this repetitive pattern where we overestimate our energy and capacity, and eventually, we end up overwhelmed because we can’t handle everything.

🔑 Rest 🔋🔌 Resting doesn’t change anything when we have mental load. Telling someone who’s overwhelmed and on the brink of burnout to meditate and clear their mind can be counterproductive. It often increases their anxiety because their to-do list is always waiting, and they feel like they’re falling behind.

We need rest, but there are different types of rest to be takes into account :

🛏️ Physical rest : Sleep is crucial to start with, but it’s not enough. When we have a mental load, sleep alone doesn't change anything; it just helps us avoid further burnout and calms us down a bit.

For true mental rest, creating to-do lists is essential. Trying to remember everything adds a huge mental load. We need to get things out of our heads and onto a physical support, such as a notebook or management tools like Trello or Asana.

The most important to ME 🥁: 🗣️ Relational / Social rest : Start with you, by asking yourself

• How can I recharge myself?

• How can I be alone and not feel lonely?

I'm an extroverted introvert, but I'm becoming more of an introvert, almost a hermit. 😂 If I spend an hour with someone, I need hours or even days alone to recharge my energy. I can only recharge by spending time with myself. When I want to spend time with someone, I really need to wish that deeply; otherwise, if I don't listen to myself and force myself, it takes me weeks to recover. I can even fall into a sort of depressed mood because I feel completely empty.

• How can we find social rest?

By learning how to not to force ourselves By learning to set boundaries By learning to spend time alone By learning to disconnect or explain our way of functioning, that we’re not always available, and we don’t need a specific reason.

When people refuse to acknowledge or respect our boundaries, it's crucial to learn how to release any guilt and disregard their opinions. This allows us to maintain our well-being and stay true to ourselves without being influenced by others' disregard for our limits.

Keep in mind the the mirror effect — what they see in us is a reflection of themselves.

It’s time to let go of the burden of other people’s expectations and repeat this to yourself: you are not responsible for meeting their demands.

Living up to peoples expectations is exhausting.

Please get rid of this mental load. It’s time to stop being a victim, acting out of fear and sacrificing for others.

Instead, prioritize yourself and act out of self-love.

SURROUNDING OURSELVES WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE IS KEY TO LIGHTENING OUR MENTAL LOAD.

🧘🏻‍♀ Sensory rest : Being highly sensitive, it’s absolutely necessary to make sure that our senses are not overly stimulated. It creates stress and mental load when we’re in an environment that’s too stimulating.

How ?

• By disconnecting from screens, not always having something to look at.
  

• By toggling the lights off, creating a dim environment that reduces distractions and enhances concentration and sense of serenity.
  

• By tiding up our place : I’m very messy, but since I work remotely ( 3 years now) and travelling has helped me enhance my sense of order — I create a more pleasant workspace by tidying up, because living in a messy environment can greatly affect my mood and create stress and anxiety.
  

Last but not least 🥁 :

🌿 Spiritual rest :

🔑 Setting priorities, seeking guidance, being coached or trained.

🔑 Training and coaching allow us to have a different perspective and to establish new systems of beliefs when we feel limited or stuck, and when we’re on the brink of burning out.

🙏 Please, consider these suggestions before going for medications.

🙏 Please consider Biohacking techniques, coaching, therapy.

The most important thing in our life & business is our energy.

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Hope this helps !

xoxo

Moods of Jo